Doctor Malaprop’s Diagnosis

Well according to my periscope
your heart beat’s mumbling.
It may be best to do an EGG test
and I’ll take a blood sample
and some slobs from here and there
run every test imaginable. Even check
for sexually transmitted desires.
How’s your mens trualcycle?
It’s a little too early to say
but it looks as if,
having drunk plenty of fluids
and stayed in bed,
you’ve caught a pregnant pause.
Girl, ain’t you never heard of contradiction.

©2009 Charlotte De’Ath
First published 2009 by Counterexample Poetics